Childhood insecurities, weight gain, and embracing myself more.

Talking about your insecurities is difficult and uncomfortable. I love fashion, but I also want to talk about other issues women deal with on a day to day basis. Behind the “pretty” pictures is a woman who was insecure for a very long time. Every once in a while I tend to feel that way but I snap out of it or at least try to. This day in age who wouldn’t feel insecure with all the images you are hit with circulating the internet. I can go on Instagram right now and easily feel like I got beat down with an ugly stick. Welcome to social media! 😉 One minute you feel like a million bucks to a few scroll downs later you feel like an ogre.

My ogre days are over. Maybe every once in a while I may feel like I look like a toad. As women we are professionals in one thing and that is comparing ourselves to other women. It’s a vicious cycle we put ourselves in not to mention the pressures of needing to be pretty all the time, staying at a certain weight, and have it all figured out and married before you turn 30. Society and men yes I said it love to fit us into these ridiculous categories and us females go along with it. I’m here to tell you to STOP. Make your own standards for what works for YOU.

Growing up I was the four eyed, hairy Puerto Rican girl, who didn’t grow into her nose yet. I was teased a lot by kids in school. In Elementary my mother would send me to school in shorts or dresses. From the knees up I was the cutest thing running around the playground until you got a glimpse of the hairiest little legs a 7 year old could ever have. “Oh its going to fall off Millie” would be my mother’s famous words as I cried begging and pleading with her to allow me shave my legs. She never let me until I took matters into my own hands at 12 lol. Until this day I lowkey resent her a little.

Middle school days were brutal. Welcome to the fulgy stage, periods, acne, and annoying boys. I was known as Toucan Sam, a werewolf, and big foot’s daughter. No matter how many times you changed your look there was always someone to rip you to shreds and create new things to make fun of you for. YAY!

Eventually, I developed into a cutiepatootie in high school, but I still carried the insecurities with me. As a teen my favorite thing to do was make up dances with my sis and watch music videos to check if any of the video girls resembled me. They never did so I felt like I was never pretty enough. Once again the comparison. Why do we love to do this to our selves? I think this is one of the reasons why women live longer than men because we love to beat ourselves up with dumb stuff like this.

Check this out it gets better. Turning the dirty 30 *cough *cough 3 years ago. Man that was fun. I was officially an adult. They say it all goes down hill from there and man ain’t that the damn truth. Hence another pressure we love to tackle is weight gain. In my twenties I was always no more than a buck 20. I had my first child at 20 and went down to looking like a noodle. Had my daughter and it was the same. Once my biological clock struck and it said 30. The factory went into snail mood. I am 20lbs heavier than what I once was. CONFESSION (since I’m making a lot of them) I still struggle with my weight. Somebody call the wahhhhhhhhbulance.

I recently had a light bulb moment and came up with the genius idea to attempt the JLO diet which consisted of NO eating carbs or any type of sugar including natural sugars like what fruit contain. I mean why not, she has trainers and chefs she pays to wait on her hand and foot to look as amazing as she does. So like, why can’t I? Like hello, duh. I quickly learned I will never achieve the JLO bod. The diet sucked! I suffered and lost 7 pounds to gain it all back, be hard on myself again, and feel like a failure. Dieting isn’t for me so I am learning now how to eat better for healthy reasons not so much for vanity. My metabolism has definitely rewired itself and has slowed down, but I am learning. There is only one JLO and I’m not her. I can get close though.

I’ve come a long way so joking about it is how I deal with it now. I have my moments of course and as women I think we all do at times. WE are just naturally dramatic creatures anyways. The idea is to deal with it in a positive way. Here are some things I have learned along the way when I start to feel like in a slump:

Try not to be so hard on yourself all the time. Not one person on this planet is perfect. This is something I am notorious for. I am my own worst critic to the point where it can be self destructing.

Focus on the positives not the negatives. Staying in a negative space will only increase that insecurity. Be around others who will lift you up and radiate positive energy. It will start to stick. Trust me.

You are amazing and don’t be shy to let others know how great you are too. There is nothing wrong with a little bragging about yourself. It is a great way to just say it into the universe enough where you can start believing it yourself. If others know you believe it they will believe it too.

Love your own beauty first than the beauty of others. No one carries the same physical traits as you. There is no reason to look outside for beauty when you are already beautiful within. You are unique in every way.


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An artist at heart who loves to create and design. I simply want to share my ideas, thoughts, and images with the world. Come follow me. XOXO Mel

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